It's A WHAT!!

I have two beautiful, wonderful little boys I would not change a thing about, and we found out I was pregnant with a third. I have always told myself I would rather have all boys as little girls just seem more fragile, as if there are so many more things they need protection from out in this world. Having dealt with sexual abuse when younger I always feared having a daughter would turn me into a neurotic over protective mother who never let her daughter out of her sight lest something similar ever happen to her. I know boys can be victims too but I did not have these kind of thoughts when I knew I was having boys. So I tried to convince myself I only wanted boys and I was sure this one was going to be a boy too.I just felt it in my gut.

But then I felt a tugging at my heart, oh to have a sweet little girl to do sweet little girl things with. To be the one my daughter would call first when she found out she was pregnant and want at her side when her little baby was born. I envision this because even after a very rough patch relationship wise with my mother she was the one I wanted to tell when I got pregnant and she was the one I wanted to stay with me after my babies were born. So I let myself begin to dream about what it would really be like to have a little girl. I thought about my husband and what an amazing daughter he could raise and how I could witness a father daughter relationship before my eyes the way God meant it to be. Protector, encourager, defender. But then I worried about how disappointed I would feel if I found out it was not a girl, so I played head games with myself and utterly convinced myself I was having a boy so when the tech said "Its a boy!" I could reply "See I knew it all along!"

Finally I got to the right place. A few days before we found out what we were having I peacefully talked to God and told him that I knew he would give us the child, boy or girl, that would fit perfectly into our family, that would be what I needed in my life. And then I was at peace knowing I would not be fearful or disappointed what ever the baby's sex because God could see the big picture and knew what was best for our family. But I cannot describe my feelings of elation and thankfulness to God when the tech said "Its a Girl!" I thanked God feeling like I had just gotten the best Christmas present ever. Come to think of it, maybe I just wanted a girl because it would be nice to have someone else in the house that pees sitting down and doesnt get it everywhere!